Stuff on my mind.

Still struggling with my migraines, woken up at 1:33am today with intense pain, and feeling very disorientated its just a good job i am not working today and have been able to take my time coming to from the early morning wake up!
I've been coping with this for so long its a huge part of my life, i now have no idea how i would feel if they went away, even though that's something i long for.
I am back on the beta blockers and gradually increasing the dose each week, i think its helping, but its a hard process to go through.
I am trying very hard to control how much anger i feel towards this thing that haunts me through life, and get to a place where i can accept that it is part of me, because i feel as though my sense of anger and injustice while real are in some sense wasted energy, and that's something that i can not afford to waste if i am to live with this.
Its kind of odd, even to me, that i am trying to cultivate this way of thinking but deep inside i feel like its the right thing for me to do! I know its not going to be easy to maintain this frame of mind, but it feels important all the same.
I would be interested for anyone who reads this to share with me how they cope, I'm pretty sure that other people will have different ideas, and i would be really interested to hear what people have to say.
I am trying to stay positive and hopeful that this new frame of mind will help, even if though it may be hard to maintain somethimes.

Its so important to have a good doctor!

Well i got to see my doctor this morning, and he was just as confused about the letters i have received regarding my hospital referral.
 It makes all the difference to have a doctor who clearly cares, and is willing to do what ever he can to help me deal with my migraines!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

After doing all he can my doctor and i decide that the next best move is to refer me to a local hospital, so that i can get more help dealing with my migraines! Success i thought, right up to the point when i opened a letter from the hospital saying that due to long waiting lists for migraine treatment they are referring me back to my doctor?!? To once again try medications that i have already tried.
These decisions were made without even talking to me, or seeing me to asses my situation.
I would say i am disappointed, but to be honest that really does not cover how i am feeling right now, i have managed to get an appointment with my doctor in the morning, and am taking the letter along with me to see what he thinks.
I am blessed that i have found a really good doctor who i believe will do the best for me, so i have to put my faith in him right now, and just wait to see what comes next.

Good news, i know but its going to take a while to feel likt it!

Migraines, what to do! The increase in my preventative medication did not work after all, i started getting unwanted side effects and had to go back to my doctor in the end.
 We took the decision that plain and simple it just was not suiting me, the hot flushes and buzzing in my ears was becoming more constant, and i was feeling just not myself.
I was hoping that there was more medication that he was wanting to try, truth be told i was kind of hoping for some kind of magic pill that would fix them once and for all! But the decision was taken that the best course of action would be to refer me to a local hospital, that has a chronic headache department in their neurology section.
I am due to under-go a telephone assessment with them Tuesday of next week, then it can be a wait of five weeks for an appointment, all that with no preventative medication at all, and that is kind of scary to say the least!!
Its so frustrating, and i feel like i am being taken back to being a child again, going through all the testing and looking for all my triggers, now i know it has to be done, and that in the end it is the best chance of gaining control of them, but......................well anyone who has gone through this, or who is going through this will understand.
So i guess its fair to say i am feeling kind of down about it all right now, and am scared about what i will do without any preventative, how badly they will come back left unchecked.
All i can do is try to deal with what comes, and try to get some kind of positive outlook on it all!

Another year passes!

Christmas was good for me, very relaxing and happy, and now we are into a new year, i am looking forward to starting my new college term more than i can say, the break i had for the holiday seemed all too long as i am eager to learn more!
It will be a busy year for sure what with work and college, but i am looking forward to what is to come!
Not really much more to say right now, apart from i hope everyone had a good Christmas and New Year!

Holding my breath............................

Well that's what it feels like i am doing, and i guess that will carry on until Tuesday next, which is when i get to see my first client in my long road to becoming a counsellor, amazing really, feels like I've not been studying that long, but so far its been just under 3 years, while working full time may i add! and i still have another year and a half to go before i qualify. All very exciting stuff, its almost like this is where my life starts, as though i have been just kicking my heals waiting for this to come along. When i say just kicking my heals i have been enjoying myself from time to time, mainly cause i am lucky enough to know some of the finest people, and double lucky cause they are my friends!!!!!
So yep, holding my breath for Tuesday and see what comes from then on!

All good!

Well things just keep moving on, i am waiting to start working with clients at my placement, its very exciting and some what nerve racking! I am really enjoying college and getting to meet some amazing people which is such a joy.
I have been on a training day yesterday from my placement and got the chance to listen and talk to some of the most inspirational people i have ever met.
This week is a big weekend for me, as its my first residential weekend for my course and i am so looking forward to it. Its going to be hard work but so interesting, i can't wait to get there!
So i have to pack my bag ready to go as its an early start in the morning, getting picked up at 8am to go to Manchester for a 9am start.
I know the next 2 years are going to be hard work, but so worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So finally a picture of Casper and Pixie!

Well i said i would put a pic of Casper on here at some point, so here he is in all his glory! A very pretty cat i'm sure you'll agree. There is also a new little girl who is setteling in well, I still miss Vinny lots but it is nice to finally have a cat who will come and sit on my lap again, as Casper won't come near me, we figure he is afraid of women, so there we are i am for sure that mad cat lady!!

Ok its been a while, again!

Its been a while since i posted anything, life has been busy, busy, busy! My college course is getting busy, and exciting can't wait to start at my counselling placement.
On a less exciting note my migraines are still with me, and they seem to be coming in clusters, which is not fun, 2 to 3 days worth at a time!! I guess its time to go back to the doctor and talk about upping my meds. Not what i wanted but i really need to get them under some kind of control so i can handle all the college work i will soon have to do!

One week on.

Well I've been on my new medication for a week, and i have to say so far so good. The first 3 days were uncomfortable with night sweats, and waking feeling really uncomfortable but that seemed to pass after not too long.
I can't say if i have had any more side effects, if i have they have not been too noticeable, and since being on them so far i have only had one very mild migraine this morning in the early hours, and i managed to catch it in time with a nasal spray and a cool and sooth sheet, so that i could get back to sleep and wake up a few hours later, with only the side effects of the nasal spray, my arm muscles hurting and feeling kind of tired.
Not bad for a first week, given that i am on the lowest dose, that means we have room to maneuver with increasing the dose if needed.
I also started college on Wednesday of last week, nothing really exciting as yet, we went through all the induction stuff, you know how it goes, here are the toilets, this is what to do in the event of the fire alarm going off, this is where the library is and the cafe. So hopefully this week things will get going, think i may be regretting saying that once i am into the course, its going to be a long and hard two years, but well worth it. My plan is to work with people with mental health issues, but i also have an idea to work with people who have migraines, helping them to cope.
I have asked tutors if there are such things as migraine counsellors, and its not something that they have come across, so that may turn out to be quite a challenging route, but i think working with kids and adults who have to live with sever migraines would be hard but really rewarding, and lets face it i have a good understanding of the frustration, fear and anger that this condition can cause!
For now i will focus on my course and get through the next two years before thinking too much about that.

Bad start to the day.

Not the start I had planned for my Sunday morning, instead of meeting a good friend for a coffee and catch up I started the day with a migraine that seemed to settle in the pit of my stomach rather than my head, so I ended up feeling really sick. Most of that feeling has passed, but I am still running a temperature and not feeling at all well.
I think some of the cause is down to me changing my medication, gradually coming off one ready to start the new one, I am just left with a really heavy feeling in my head, and by that I mean emotionally and very very tired.
I am however blessed with having some of the most amazing friends who offer love and support, and don't seem to mind that I sometimes can't keep dates with them, and often have to let people down with short notice, I am so glad to have the people in my life that I do!
Here's to all the good people in my life, you are so wonderful, thanks for being around.
Love you all!

Waiting to start my new meds!

If i could remember all the preventative medications i had taken as a child to try and cope with the sever migraines that i had the list would be LONG!!! So on reflection its might be a good idea that i can't remember them all cause it may well scare me.
Now as an adult, my migraines are back as i have already said on this blog, the first of the new round of preventative drugs that i have tried were beta blockers, they worked for a while, a couple of months if i am honest and then they just stopped working, so my doctor put me onto another medication called Pizotifen, again this worked for some time longer than the beta blockers, all said and done i lasted around 5 or 6 months but then once again the effect that they first had just seemed to fade.
So right now i am gradually coming off the Pizotifen, all in all it should take around a week, then i start on the next medication which is Gabapentin, its a strong drug and the starting dose for me is 100mg a day, with a review with my doctor after a couple of weeks to see how things are going.
I'm not really sure what to expect apart form feeling tired which seems to be first side effect that is stated, i have to say after reading around the first 5 side effects i stopped. If i carried on reading i am not sure i would start taking them.
Lets just see what happens, i should be starting them in a few days, so cross everything that they work!

Time just marches on.

Its seemed as though i have waited so long for my college course to start! then in the blink of an eye its almost here! Cant wait to get going, even if i am really nervous.
My migraines are still not doing so well, 8 in this month alone, not sure what else to say about that my increase in preventative medication seems not to be working, or am i just expecting too much too soon, maybe even at my age i was hoping to just take some magic pill and never have them again. One day who knows, all i can keep doing now is try to look after myself, keep taking the tablets and get back to see my doctor as soon as i can to discuss where we go next.
Lets just wait and see what tomorrow has to offer........i can feel changes coming, new things starting!

Finding things hard.

Not so much of a happy bunny today, i have been taking the increase in my migraine preventative drug for only a couple of days and things are not going so well.
Its causing me trouble as i have started having to take 1.5mg extra and this has to be taken in the morning, as the increase has taken me up to 4.5mg's a day has led to me having to split the dose. It has led to me feeling very very sick, hot, not focused this all seems to be declining by around 2pm, but as you can guess its not making for fun days at work.
I am also feeling increasingly tired in the evening, i could easily have curled up on the couch when i got in from work at 6pm today and think i would have gone to sleep not long after.
I know that i have only been taking the increase for a couple of days, and i should give it more time but i think it may also be having a knock on effect on my mood as i am feeling really down.
I think i will try to stay on this dose for a couple of weeks, and if its not better i will have to go back to see my doctor to see what else we can try.
Here's to a better day tomorrow!!!

Back again and so soon!

I have been back to see the doctor this morning, and i have to say i am lucky to have a very understanding doctor who is always ready to listen and see what he can do to help.
I went to see him as i have had 5 migraines in July and 6 so far in August, after talking we have decided to up my current medication to its maximum dose and see if that works, if not i will go back to see him and try another one, if we still have no success at that point he is going to refer me to the chronic headache team and see what they can suggest.
I really hope i can get my migraines under some kind of control for the beginning of my college course or not long after, as i don't want for them to affect my studying too much......will just have to once again wait and see.

Its been a while!

OK so i know its been a while since my last entry, things have been a little busy!
I have been preparing for the start of my college course which is due to begin on the 7th of September and i have been busy sorting out my desk space, having meetings with my tutor and the place where i will start my voluntary counselling work as part of my course. As you can guess it's all taken up quite a bit of my time!
All that and trying to manage my migraines and adjust to upping my preventative medication, it's not been so good of late, this month alone i have had 5 migraines the last three being in the last 3 days, so i guess it's time to go back to see my doctor and find out what the next step for my management is.
Back to the good stuff, I have managed to sort my desk and study area, and with the help of a good friend i have finally got my wireless home net work up and running, which is working really well! Having the ability to use my laptop anywhere in the house is really fun.
So i am all up and running and ready for the new part of my life to begin! BRING IT ON!!!!!!

It's been a while i know...............

Back again, still with the migraines and the new medication is being gradually increased to see if it can keep them under control, good idea but i sleep like the dead!! I have also spoken to my doctor to put my name forward to see if i can take part in new migraine drugs trial, at this point i will just about try anything as most of my migraines seem to be coming on in the night and waking me up at what can only be described as inhumane hours. I will get them under control it may just take more time.
I have managed to enrol on my next college course which starts on September the 7th and lasts for 2 years i am excited and nervous in equal measure, its going to be a hard couple of years as i take this course on and continue to work full time, but what the heck, it should at least make life interesting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh and i finally managed to find a new yoga class which is fantastic, it is just the most amazing thing to do and its something that i intend to continue for a long time, its valuable time to myself and i figure its something that i am going to need while i am studying to keep control of my stress levels, i am also hoping that it may just have a positive effect on my migraines, by way of regular exercise and relaxation, the meditation aspect is something that i  really enjoy, and would recommend to anyone.

Life just keeps moving on!

Well after the sad loss of my lovely cat things are not quite the same, but i guess that's to be expected!?!
On a brighter note i have finally managed to get a place on my next college course, well it will be for sure once the enrollment form gets to me, not that i am somewhat impatient for it to get here but come on already....... i have already waited a year for this opportunity so a few more days won't hurt i know but i just want to get my place paid for and made certain.
I have been studying Person Centered Counselling now for the past two and a half years, and it has just really taken hold of me, it makes so much sense so this will be my final two years study for my diploma which means i will finally be a qualified to counsellor!!!!!!!
Scared and excited about what the next two years will hold, and the ones to follow for that matter but this is something that i feel i need to do, so once my fees are paid it will be time for a leap of faith in myself and just go for it.

Still feels strange.

Back again, and with Vinny gone the house still feels strange to me its just plain odd not to see him around or have him sat on my knee.
I did get a little peace on Saturday morning when we went to the vets to collect his ashes, and i find that really odd, in some way i think i feel a little better because he is back home with me.......WARNING, WARNING, MAD CAT LADY IS HERE!!!!!........... i think that maybe a lot of people would kind of see it like that anyhow, and i don't even mind really i know how happy i was to me to have him in my life and really that's all that matters i guess.
So Vinny here's to the fantastic 19 years companion-ship you gave me and all the happy memories that i will always have.

Very sad.

This was my lovely cat Vinny, its odd how i have never put a picture of him on here before he has been such a big part of my life for the last 19 years and they were wonderful years i loved every minute i got to spent with him!
 Now don't get to fooled by the loved up expression on his face in this photo he had ATTITUDE.......... as many of my friends would tell you.
He lived a long and well loved life, with a heart condition for most of it, which we went to great lengths to make sure he had the best vet care that we could, driving him quite a way from home on a couple of occasions for heart scans.
The house feels empty even though we do have another cat Casper ( photo on another occasion i think) I have lost a very good friend.
But he was by no means THE BEST GINGER CAT THAT EVER WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And i will miss him every day!