Stuff on my mind.

Still struggling with my migraines, woken up at 1:33am today with intense pain, and feeling very disorientated its just a good job i am not working today and have been able to take my time coming to from the early morning wake up!
I've been coping with this for so long its a huge part of my life, i now have no idea how i would feel if they went away, even though that's something i long for.
I am back on the beta blockers and gradually increasing the dose each week, i think its helping, but its a hard process to go through.
I am trying very hard to control how much anger i feel towards this thing that haunts me through life, and get to a place where i can accept that it is part of me, because i feel as though my sense of anger and injustice while real are in some sense wasted energy, and that's something that i can not afford to waste if i am to live with this.
Its kind of odd, even to me, that i am trying to cultivate this way of thinking but deep inside i feel like its the right thing for me to do! I know its not going to be easy to maintain this frame of mind, but it feels important all the same.
I would be interested for anyone who reads this to share with me how they cope, I'm pretty sure that other people will have different ideas, and i would be really interested to hear what people have to say.
I am trying to stay positive and hopeful that this new frame of mind will help, even if though it may be hard to maintain somethimes.

Its so important to have a good doctor!

Well i got to see my doctor this morning, and he was just as confused about the letters i have received regarding my hospital referral.
 It makes all the difference to have a doctor who clearly cares, and is willing to do what ever he can to help me deal with my migraines!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

After doing all he can my doctor and i decide that the next best move is to refer me to a local hospital, so that i can get more help dealing with my migraines! Success i thought, right up to the point when i opened a letter from the hospital saying that due to long waiting lists for migraine treatment they are referring me back to my doctor?!? To once again try medications that i have already tried.
These decisions were made without even talking to me, or seeing me to asses my situation.
I would say i am disappointed, but to be honest that really does not cover how i am feeling right now, i have managed to get an appointment with my doctor in the morning, and am taking the letter along with me to see what he thinks.
I am blessed that i have found a really good doctor who i believe will do the best for me, so i have to put my faith in him right now, and just wait to see what comes next.

Good news, i know but its going to take a while to feel likt it!

Migraines, what to do! The increase in my preventative medication did not work after all, i started getting unwanted side effects and had to go back to my doctor in the end.
 We took the decision that plain and simple it just was not suiting me, the hot flushes and buzzing in my ears was becoming more constant, and i was feeling just not myself.
I was hoping that there was more medication that he was wanting to try, truth be told i was kind of hoping for some kind of magic pill that would fix them once and for all! But the decision was taken that the best course of action would be to refer me to a local hospital, that has a chronic headache department in their neurology section.
I am due to under-go a telephone assessment with them Tuesday of next week, then it can be a wait of five weeks for an appointment, all that with no preventative medication at all, and that is kind of scary to say the least!!
Its so frustrating, and i feel like i am being taken back to being a child again, going through all the testing and looking for all my triggers, now i know it has to be done, and that in the end it is the best chance of gaining control of them, but......................well anyone who has gone through this, or who is going through this will understand.
So i guess its fair to say i am feeling kind of down about it all right now, and am scared about what i will do without any preventative, how badly they will come back left unchecked.
All i can do is try to deal with what comes, and try to get some kind of positive outlook on it all!

Another year passes!

Christmas was good for me, very relaxing and happy, and now we are into a new year, i am looking forward to starting my new college term more than i can say, the break i had for the holiday seemed all too long as i am eager to learn more!
It will be a busy year for sure what with work and college, but i am looking forward to what is to come!
Not really much more to say right now, apart from i hope everyone had a good Christmas and New Year!

Holding my breath............................

Well that's what it feels like i am doing, and i guess that will carry on until Tuesday next, which is when i get to see my first client in my long road to becoming a counsellor, amazing really, feels like I've not been studying that long, but so far its been just under 3 years, while working full time may i add! and i still have another year and a half to go before i qualify. All very exciting stuff, its almost like this is where my life starts, as though i have been just kicking my heals waiting for this to come along. When i say just kicking my heals i have been enjoying myself from time to time, mainly cause i am lucky enough to know some of the finest people, and double lucky cause they are my friends!!!!!
So yep, holding my breath for Tuesday and see what comes from then on!

All good!

Well things just keep moving on, i am waiting to start working with clients at my placement, its very exciting and some what nerve racking! I am really enjoying college and getting to meet some amazing people which is such a joy.
I have been on a training day yesterday from my placement and got the chance to listen and talk to some of the most inspirational people i have ever met.
This week is a big weekend for me, as its my first residential weekend for my course and i am so looking forward to it. Its going to be hard work but so interesting, i can't wait to get there!
So i have to pack my bag ready to go as its an early start in the morning, getting picked up at 8am to go to Manchester for a 9am start.
I know the next 2 years are going to be hard work, but so worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!