Holding my breath............................

Well that's what it feels like i am doing, and i guess that will carry on until Tuesday next, which is when i get to see my first client in my long road to becoming a counsellor, amazing really, feels like I've not been studying that long, but so far its been just under 3 years, while working full time may i add! and i still have another year and a half to go before i qualify. All very exciting stuff, its almost like this is where my life starts, as though i have been just kicking my heals waiting for this to come along. When i say just kicking my heals i have been enjoying myself from time to time, mainly cause i am lucky enough to know some of the finest people, and double lucky cause they are my friends!!!!!
So yep, holding my breath for Tuesday and see what comes from then on!

All good!

Well things just keep moving on, i am waiting to start working with clients at my placement, its very exciting and some what nerve racking! I am really enjoying college and getting to meet some amazing people which is such a joy.
I have been on a training day yesterday from my placement and got the chance to listen and talk to some of the most inspirational people i have ever met.
This week is a big weekend for me, as its my first residential weekend for my course and i am so looking forward to it. Its going to be hard work but so interesting, i can't wait to get there!
So i have to pack my bag ready to go as its an early start in the morning, getting picked up at 8am to go to Manchester for a 9am start.
I know the next 2 years are going to be hard work, but so worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So finally a picture of Casper and Pixie!

Well i said i would put a pic of Casper on here at some point, so here he is in all his glory! A very pretty cat i'm sure you'll agree. There is also a new little girl who is setteling in well, I still miss Vinny lots but it is nice to finally have a cat who will come and sit on my lap again, as Casper won't come near me, we figure he is afraid of women, so there we are i am for sure that mad cat lady!!

Ok its been a while, again!

Its been a while since i posted anything, life has been busy, busy, busy! My college course is getting busy, and exciting can't wait to start at my counselling placement.
On a less exciting note my migraines are still with me, and they seem to be coming in clusters, which is not fun, 2 to 3 days worth at a time!! I guess its time to go back to the doctor and talk about upping my meds. Not what i wanted but i really need to get them under some kind of control so i can handle all the college work i will soon have to do!

One week on.

Well I've been on my new medication for a week, and i have to say so far so good. The first 3 days were uncomfortable with night sweats, and waking feeling really uncomfortable but that seemed to pass after not too long.
I can't say if i have had any more side effects, if i have they have not been too noticeable, and since being on them so far i have only had one very mild migraine this morning in the early hours, and i managed to catch it in time with a nasal spray and a cool and sooth sheet, so that i could get back to sleep and wake up a few hours later, with only the side effects of the nasal spray, my arm muscles hurting and feeling kind of tired.
Not bad for a first week, given that i am on the lowest dose, that means we have room to maneuver with increasing the dose if needed.
I also started college on Wednesday of last week, nothing really exciting as yet, we went through all the induction stuff, you know how it goes, here are the toilets, this is what to do in the event of the fire alarm going off, this is where the library is and the cafe. So hopefully this week things will get going, think i may be regretting saying that once i am into the course, its going to be a long and hard two years, but well worth it. My plan is to work with people with mental health issues, but i also have an idea to work with people who have migraines, helping them to cope.
I have asked tutors if there are such things as migraine counsellors, and its not something that they have come across, so that may turn out to be quite a challenging route, but i think working with kids and adults who have to live with sever migraines would be hard but really rewarding, and lets face it i have a good understanding of the frustration, fear and anger that this condition can cause!
For now i will focus on my course and get through the next two years before thinking too much about that.

Bad start to the day.

Not the start I had planned for my Sunday morning, instead of meeting a good friend for a coffee and catch up I started the day with a migraine that seemed to settle in the pit of my stomach rather than my head, so I ended up feeling really sick. Most of that feeling has passed, but I am still running a temperature and not feeling at all well.
I think some of the cause is down to me changing my medication, gradually coming off one ready to start the new one, I am just left with a really heavy feeling in my head, and by that I mean emotionally and very very tired.
I am however blessed with having some of the most amazing friends who offer love and support, and don't seem to mind that I sometimes can't keep dates with them, and often have to let people down with short notice, I am so glad to have the people in my life that I do!
Here's to all the good people in my life, you are so wonderful, thanks for being around.
Love you all!

Waiting to start my new meds!

If i could remember all the preventative medications i had taken as a child to try and cope with the sever migraines that i had the list would be LONG!!! So on reflection its might be a good idea that i can't remember them all cause it may well scare me.
Now as an adult, my migraines are back as i have already said on this blog, the first of the new round of preventative drugs that i have tried were beta blockers, they worked for a while, a couple of months if i am honest and then they just stopped working, so my doctor put me onto another medication called Pizotifen, again this worked for some time longer than the beta blockers, all said and done i lasted around 5 or 6 months but then once again the effect that they first had just seemed to fade.
So right now i am gradually coming off the Pizotifen, all in all it should take around a week, then i start on the next medication which is Gabapentin, its a strong drug and the starting dose for me is 100mg a day, with a review with my doctor after a couple of weeks to see how things are going.
I'm not really sure what to expect apart form feeling tired which seems to be first side effect that is stated, i have to say after reading around the first 5 side effects i stopped. If i carried on reading i am not sure i would start taking them.
Lets just see what happens, i should be starting them in a few days, so cross everything that they work!

Time just marches on.

Its seemed as though i have waited so long for my college course to start! then in the blink of an eye its almost here! Cant wait to get going, even if i am really nervous.
My migraines are still not doing so well, 8 in this month alone, not sure what else to say about that my increase in preventative medication seems not to be working, or am i just expecting too much too soon, maybe even at my age i was hoping to just take some magic pill and never have them again. One day who knows, all i can keep doing now is try to look after myself, keep taking the tablets and get back to see my doctor as soon as i can to discuss where we go next.
Lets just wait and see what tomorrow has to offer........i can feel changes coming, new things starting!

Finding things hard.

Not so much of a happy bunny today, i have been taking the increase in my migraine preventative drug for only a couple of days and things are not going so well.
Its causing me trouble as i have started having to take 1.5mg extra and this has to be taken in the morning, as the increase has taken me up to 4.5mg's a day has led to me having to split the dose. It has led to me feeling very very sick, hot, not focused this all seems to be declining by around 2pm, but as you can guess its not making for fun days at work.
I am also feeling increasingly tired in the evening, i could easily have curled up on the couch when i got in from work at 6pm today and think i would have gone to sleep not long after.
I know that i have only been taking the increase for a couple of days, and i should give it more time but i think it may also be having a knock on effect on my mood as i am feeling really down.
I think i will try to stay on this dose for a couple of weeks, and if its not better i will have to go back to see my doctor to see what else we can try.
Here's to a better day tomorrow!!!

Back again and so soon!

I have been back to see the doctor this morning, and i have to say i am lucky to have a very understanding doctor who is always ready to listen and see what he can do to help.
I went to see him as i have had 5 migraines in July and 6 so far in August, after talking we have decided to up my current medication to its maximum dose and see if that works, if not i will go back to see him and try another one, if we still have no success at that point he is going to refer me to the chronic headache team and see what they can suggest.
I really hope i can get my migraines under some kind of control for the beginning of my college course or not long after, as i don't want for them to affect my studying too much......will just have to once again wait and see.

Its been a while!

OK so i know its been a while since my last entry, things have been a little busy!
I have been preparing for the start of my college course which is due to begin on the 7th of September and i have been busy sorting out my desk space, having meetings with my tutor and the place where i will start my voluntary counselling work as part of my course. As you can guess it's all taken up quite a bit of my time!
All that and trying to manage my migraines and adjust to upping my preventative medication, it's not been so good of late, this month alone i have had 5 migraines the last three being in the last 3 days, so i guess it's time to go back to see my doctor and find out what the next step for my management is.
Back to the good stuff, I have managed to sort my desk and study area, and with the help of a good friend i have finally got my wireless home net work up and running, which is working really well! Having the ability to use my laptop anywhere in the house is really fun.
So i am all up and running and ready for the new part of my life to begin! BRING IT ON!!!!!!

It's been a while i know...............

Back again, still with the migraines and the new medication is being gradually increased to see if it can keep them under control, good idea but i sleep like the dead!! I have also spoken to my doctor to put my name forward to see if i can take part in new migraine drugs trial, at this point i will just about try anything as most of my migraines seem to be coming on in the night and waking me up at what can only be described as inhumane hours. I will get them under control it may just take more time.
I have managed to enrol on my next college course which starts on September the 7th and lasts for 2 years i am excited and nervous in equal measure, its going to be a hard couple of years as i take this course on and continue to work full time, but what the heck, it should at least make life interesting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh and i finally managed to find a new yoga class which is fantastic, it is just the most amazing thing to do and its something that i intend to continue for a long time, its valuable time to myself and i figure its something that i am going to need while i am studying to keep control of my stress levels, i am also hoping that it may just have a positive effect on my migraines, by way of regular exercise and relaxation, the meditation aspect is something that i  really enjoy, and would recommend to anyone.

Life just keeps moving on!

Well after the sad loss of my lovely cat things are not quite the same, but i guess that's to be expected!?!
On a brighter note i have finally managed to get a place on my next college course, well it will be for sure once the enrollment form gets to me, not that i am somewhat impatient for it to get here but come on already....... i have already waited a year for this opportunity so a few more days won't hurt i know but i just want to get my place paid for and made certain.
I have been studying Person Centered Counselling now for the past two and a half years, and it has just really taken hold of me, it makes so much sense so this will be my final two years study for my diploma which means i will finally be a qualified to counsellor!!!!!!!
Scared and excited about what the next two years will hold, and the ones to follow for that matter but this is something that i feel i need to do, so once my fees are paid it will be time for a leap of faith in myself and just go for it.

Still feels strange.

Back again, and with Vinny gone the house still feels strange to me its just plain odd not to see him around or have him sat on my knee.
I did get a little peace on Saturday morning when we went to the vets to collect his ashes, and i find that really odd, in some way i think i feel a little better because he is back home with me.......WARNING, WARNING, MAD CAT LADY IS HERE!!!!!........... i think that maybe a lot of people would kind of see it like that anyhow, and i don't even mind really i know how happy i was to me to have him in my life and really that's all that matters i guess.
So Vinny here's to the fantastic 19 years companion-ship you gave me and all the happy memories that i will always have.

Very sad.

This was my lovely cat Vinny, its odd how i have never put a picture of him on here before he has been such a big part of my life for the last 19 years and they were wonderful years i loved every minute i got to spent with him!
 Now don't get to fooled by the loved up expression on his face in this photo he had ATTITUDE.......... as many of my friends would tell you.
He lived a long and well loved life, with a heart condition for most of it, which we went to great lengths to make sure he had the best vet care that we could, driving him quite a way from home on a couple of occasions for heart scans.
The house feels empty even though we do have another cat Casper ( photo on another occasion i think) I have lost a very good friend.
But he was by no means THE BEST GINGER CAT THAT EVER WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And i will miss him every day!

Frustrated, angry, in pain but mostly tired!!!!!!!!!!!

Once again i am having one of my migraines, its not fully here right now and i am hoping that the bowl of pasta and pesto i have just eaten will help. Its feels as though the right side of my face is in pain and numb at the same time, and i just feel kind of fuzzy, at least its not head splitting pain and feeling madly sick!
It just makes me so frustrated that i no matter what i do my migraines always seem to find a way to creep into my life, i am pretty sure that they are mostly driven by my changing hormones that are occurring as i get older, not really much i can do about that i guess although i am going to check with my doctor, and it is driving me to read some of the latest research papers to see what they have to say.
I can only hope that there will come a point where i and so many other people can say that we are finally free of this pain as far away and strange as that concept seems to me!

Migraine to start the day, but its not been so bad!

I was woken up at something past 7 this morning by a migraine, i managed to get back to sleep for a couple of hours, good thing it was my day off! When i did get up i had a nasal spray and that seemed to clear the worst of it, good thing too as i had an appointment to get my hair done at 1pm, I got there feeling a little tired and still a little ill, but having my hair washed normally sorts out the remains of my migraines, and it did!!
Besides which I always feel better for having my hair done it picks me up if I am feeling a bit down so all in all not a bad day.

Now that's what i call a good day off!

A good Sunday off work is always nice, I have spent a couple of hours tending my tropical freshwater aquarium moving plants and cleaning the filter, I know that for some it may seem like hard work but i find it really relaxing! And fun just waiting for the lights to come back on should be around 6pm so i get to fully see the results of my hard work.
Also a bit of history has been made this weekend, the first woman to qualify as a rider in the British Super bikes this season, race one she binned it early but it was really good just to know she was on the start grid, hopefully that off should get some of her nerves out of the way and the team have managed to fix her bike or she has a second so that she can take part in the second race!
All in all good times!!!

Some more pics!

I went walking with a work collegue who is also a friend about 3 weeks ago, and just thought it would be nice to share some of the images. It was a lovely day and i have lots more pics from it but i really like these.

A few changes!

I decided it was time to change the look of my blog, and i wanted something more relaxing to look at i think this one works and reflects me more!
Things are going well at the mo as far as my migraines are concerned, and home life is pretty good, much more relaxed than it has been for some time, the only fly in the ointment is work, i really feel like i need a change and college can't come fast enough for me right now, even though September feels like a life time away! It feels like the gap between my courses has just been so long, sometimes i think i will have forgotten all that i have learned so far, even though i have tried reading to keep my hand in.
I guess i will just have to wait for September to see how much i have retained and how much i have change since i was last studying..........its still very exciting the thought of going back to college, and hopefully changing my career!

Hi I just thought it would be nice to add some things that make me smile!

I've had a wonderful couple of days!

I came home yesterday from visiting my very good friend in Oxford, and it really was a tonic for me and i hope for her too, the journey home on the train was good and so was the evening sitting on the sofa watching telly and catching up with my partner.
 But i am sorry to say my night in bed was not so good, at something past 3am i was woken up by a head splitting migraine and i really was a big one so after taking a nasal spray and managing to get downstairs to find a cool and sooth sheet for my forehead i made my way back to bed feel very ill and somewhat sorry for myself!
 I'm not sure what time i got back to sleep i think i took some time as my head really did feel like it was trying to split open and i had that nasty sick feeling for a while, but i did finally manage to settle back to sleep and finally woke up at around 9am, and the only way i can describe how i feel today would be to say hollow its a feeling i am used to and can still function with, but needless to say i would prefer not to feel this way.
So i guess its just another migraine to tick of and move on from here's hoping that the weekend is better for me as i am still off work until Monday and really would like to make the most of my final couple of days off.

Some weeks just seem to go on and on.

Well this has been one of those weeks that seems never ending! But after working all weekend in some of the best weather we have seen in ages, it is finally all finished and I have started my week off so really its all good and only one migraine in the past week so things are looking up! But best of all I am going to see one of my oldest and cloest friends yes Nic that's YOU!!!!! I am always so excited to spend time with people care about so hopefully this week will really lift my sprits!

Oh well.......

Today was not really what i had planned for my day off, started off with a migraine waking me at around 8am i managed to get back to sleep for a while which i think helped, then got up to start the day with a nasal spray, not ideal but better than a full blown attack.
Its 3:16pm now and i am just left with the remnants of the migraine which thankfully turned out to be not so bad and i have managed to get most of my planned house work done. Which does at least mean that i have my next day off on Monday to myself........hopefully.
I do seem to be handling the new preventative medication ok, no significant side effects so far and less attacks for sure, so i am happy with that. I guess i have to wait and see if my body decides that it is going to continue to tolerate this medication.

40!!!!

Already time just flys by, it seems not 2 mins since i was 20 if fact most of the time i still think i am, and thats all good i recon.
Meanwhile back with the most enduring feature of my life, migraines, still having them in march i think i have had around 4, thats not too bad, better than it has been for a while at one time i was having 3-4 a week, so much improved.
I have to admit i was kind of hoping that the new preventitive medication that i have been put might have got rid of them altogether, very unrealistic i know but there it is. I am always hoping that one day i wake up and never have one again. But it is getting better so thats what i need to focus on!
On the bright side i finally found an excellent hatha yoga class and i am hoping that it may go some way to helping me keep my migraines under control, i dont expect it to stop them, but hopefully the relaxing aspect of it will go some way to lower my stress levels, that can only be a good thing, its been so long since i have done any yoga and i have fallen in love with it all over again, i present to myself for my birthday has been to order a new slightly thicker than normal on i need all the comfort i can get!!

Sitting in the hairdressers waiting for my colour to be washed off with the remains of this mornings migraine fading into the background, it has struck me that in 5 days I will be 40 and that means that I have been living my life around my migrains for some 37 years! One day it would be really nice to know they are gone for good, wishfull thinking I know but we are surley allowed to keep dreaming!

What a day!

Now I know your supposed to maintain low stress levels to avoid migrains, but having a day at work that's as dull as dish water really is taking things to the extream! Oh no I may well have jinxed myself for tomrrow but at least I will have something to do, enough moaning for today I think!

Something different.

I had the idea when i first started this blog that it would only be about my migraines but i feel the need to talk about something else on this occasion, watching the news in England i am dismayed by all the accounts of people attacking, or killing their partners, and even their children. What is going on that is making so many people implode in there personal lives leading them to these horrific and life destroying acts. I can only hope that we will progress enough as a species that we can find a way to end this although i think it will take a long time for us to manage this.
I know this is a huge subject and that people may think i am morbid to be thinking about this, i am an optimistic person by nature and think that if we work together more, hopefully we will learn from whatever mistakes have been made.

Could be a break through!!!

Well now this could well be something to shout about, a new medication Pizotifen its a preventative drug and i have only been on it for around 4 weeks, i am however hopeful, even though the first few days were rough i guess that's to be expected. Its going to be a couple of months of taking it before i know if its working, to see if my migraines start to subside. Cross everything and hold your breath things could be getting better.
I have also started to go to yoga classes, i have only been to one so far, but really enjoyed it as its something that i did years ago with a very good friend ( you know who you are!) and i am hoping that the relaxation and meditation aspects will help me relax, all good stuff!!!!!

oh heck new phone!

New phone time but at least blogging straight from my phone will make it easier to keep updated. For the record increase in meds seems to be going well so far.

A little more explination.

I feel i need to give a little more detail about my medication change, i was on beta blockers for around two years and they did help for a while but recently they seemed to be not so effective, so i finally decided to go back to the doctors and find out where to go now. I maybe didn't go a soon as i should have, lets be honest i should have gone a while a go!! Being frank i was scared to get back on the medication merry-go-round, its been YEARS since i last was and its not a happy thought that i have to go back there.
Any how i finally got myself sorted and i am now on Pixotifen as a preventative medication, gradually increasing the dose each week from one a night up to my final three a night. The first two days were a nightmare feeling sick waking up with a headache!!!! the one thing i am trying to get rid of, and just generally not myself, the third day got better and the rest of the week i was back to my old self. Yippee!!!!!
Tonight i increase the dose to two a night and am braced to have a couple of days where i am not too good but hopeful that they will work in the end and i don't have to change again, keeping everything crossed.
Here's to a mostly migraine free future!!!!

All change!

After seeing the doctor i am off the beta blockers and on to a new medication, ever hopeful that change will come i think i was on these as a child, but i tried so many then i could say that about any migraine medication!! Back on the merry-go-round of trying different drugs to see what helps.

Another day another headache.....oh well

This could get boring, although the headache that woke me up was somewhat different than the normal ones. It was a cluster headache at the front of my forehead that was so painful it made me feel physically ill, still even though it was a sunday i had to go to work but thats ok it was gone in a couple of hours so at least the day got better.
Oh and i can recomend trying the IMAK eye mask very soothing, i found it very soothing.

Migraines, a blessing and a curse!?!?!

I gusess for some people thats really a hard thing to understand, but when mine seemed to vanish at around 19 for the first time in my life i was able to go out and party with my friends, something that i had never been able to do befor because of not being able to cope with harsh lighting, loud noises and general over excitment, and all of a sudden that changed.
The party lifestyle was something i got good at, i little too good if i'm honest and had it not been for my migraines coming back and the new main trigger for them being beer, and spirits i think i could of ended up in a real mess.
The curse part is so simple i don't think i really need to go into detail anyone who has had migraines or still has them would understand, i word that was used to describe them to me recently was relentless and they really are, each day i wake up and think will i have one today, or if i am really unlucky i wake up with one so that question is redundant for the day.
Today i am glad to say is a good day!!!!! Here's to good days for anyone else who sufferers from them :-))

Well now where to start?!?! Lets see, its sunday afternoon and i am just coming to after another migraine, they have been a part of me for as long as i remember having been diagnosed when i was 3 years old, although they did seem to all but vanish between the ages of 19 to around 25 and for a while i almost forgot all about them. They have been creeping back into my life and seem to have finally returned with what i can only discribe as re-newed vigor.
I feel like i need a place to speak about them and this seemed like the best idea, not that all i want to do is moan, they have been and are both a blessing and a curse, more on that another time.
For now i am starting to feel better today and that can only be something to be happy about.